IDENTITY VS. BABIES CAN YOU HAVE BOTH?

Throughout my entire adolescence I consistently asked myself why and how my parents were not constantly depressed about their lives? They lived in perpetual fear of running out of money. Sadly enough, they lived an achromatic present where they denied my brother and I a full tour of their past. My mom showed no signs of talents or likes. While my dad would be too ashamed to talk about his twenty years of military service. Nonetheless, my parents had a lot of friends whom they would meet up with to go out or have barbecues. Every afternoon they will sit on the couch drinking mate, acting fine and dandy while watching the news. Little me wanted to connect with my culture but by default I associated family with repetitive dullness.

When I turned eight years old my mom gave me her first speech about sex, and after it only got worse. She persisted so much on avoiding pregnancy that by the time I entered middle school I feared I could conceive a baby with the mere contact of legs. I was terrified at the idea that somehow sperm could slide down a guy’s jeans and find its way to my uterus. And so I finished high school knowing two things: babies are extremely expensive, and your identity will be lost because everything is to be about the baby.

I’m twenty-five now and pregnant. My generation is obsessed with traveling the world and aligning themselves with protesters. They want to experience every possible shade of colors and emotions. To turn vegan and join the zero waste movement. The “millennials” want to innovate culture. While I can’t be in tune with these ideas, I fear that motherhood would make me a fraud. Is it possible to be a stay-at-home mom and not lose link with your inner self? What is the cost of an honest and healthy relationship with your children?

When I look back to my six months of pregnancy I see a woman who knows how to make delicious meals with only three-ingredient recipes. An eco-printing and woodworking apprentice. Someone who uses a walk-in closet as a master bedroom in a 500 sq. ft studio apartment! A woman that believes in monogamy without being married. A 35mm film photographer. And I have yet to share with my future daughter the magic of thrifting and the most distinctive Afro-Uruguayan music; candombe.

So if you are on the eve of building a family, and you understand that blooming has no age then you my friend are in the foundations of a tribe.